The Law of Attraction. The Four Agreements. Scientology. What do these three cults have in common? Apparently the means to brainwash middle-aged white men into believing they offer the keys to the kingdom of success with a couple of sports cars and strippers thrown in.

The Law of Attraction is a book which sold millions and promises the “Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t” all by magically manifesting through positive thinking. Its spin-off movie, The Secret (2006) about “the simple laws governing all lives” that millions swallowed hook, line and self-help sinker spawned a glassy-eyed army of followers who believed it offered them the Holy Grail. “Secret” cults sprang up and leaders emerged, neo guru saviors of the Dark Age in which endarkenment has replaced enlightenment, and criticism and skepticism are treated as sacrilege.

That previous line? That’s my thesis. I’d do more research, but in this new Dark Age, it’s generally frowned upon.  My own personal reflections will have to do. Law of Attraction cultists (LACs for the purposes of this post), now exempted from all responsibility save thinking rosy thoughts about their hare-brained projects and get-rich-quick schemes, enjoyed carefree lives. Never mind that no one wanted to patent their new invention (mason jar car cups anyone?) or bankroll their new, liberated lifestyle. After all, if one wanted to simply believe in success, one can just as easily manifest from home or from a ski lift as at a stuffy old office. Those offices are for the old schoolers, lost in a morass of negativity.

The demographic of these LACs is surprising. Mostly white middleaged men from good families, LACs have experienced failure in a weak economy. Many seem to have lost corporate jobs or recently divorced, and others became disillusioned in an increasingly diverse culture that left them feeling disenfranchised and emasculated. The message of positive thinking and magical manifestation absolved them of any wrongdoing in their own lives in one fell swoop of dove-winged epiphany accompanied by a chorus of angels.  They had not been laid off, evicted, dumped, repossessed and declined because they’d slept in one too many mornings, had one too many at the office Christmas party or bedded too many neighbor’s wives. No indeed. They simply had not been thinking positive thoughts around what they wanted.  Because of this paucity of positivity, the benevolent universe had callously declined to heap its abundance at their doorstep.

Scientology and its batshit crazy poster child Tom Cruise also serve as a bastion of acceptance for the LACs and their loss of white privilege. Their exclusivity, secret handshakes and message of blind devotion to Ron Hubbard’s “religion through science” is just an earlier incarnation of the Law of Attraction’s blockheaded approach to atom coagulation and great wealth. Boiling down complex ideas involving faith and power into a few simple secrets empowered fist-pumping Porsche drivers to encourage their wives to follow the Stepford rules of behavior without praying shoeless five times a day on a dirty rug.

The Four Agreement, an unsurprisingly small tome, “A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” is astonishingly even available as an audio book in case the reader lacks the dedication to tear through its simple sentences which would take less than an hour if the LACs would plow on through instead of calling their friends to expound on every earth-shaking gem they unearth from Don Ruiz’ Dark Age resurrection of a few sketchy but purportedly ancient Toltec commandments. We all know how the vibrant Toltec culture fared from their Mexican monuments outside gleaming, pristine Mexican metropolis built by their descendants. Maybe white male LAC aliens planted those architectural ideas.

Trends and social movements only become apparent in retrospect, but back to my thesis about LACs and the New Dark Age. The new guru hath arisen, and his name is Trump.