From time to time, I train other females in fitness workout routines geared to meet their specific goals. I don’t take many clients simply because my day job meets most of my financial needs, and no matter what I charge, training is seldom worth the headaches it causes. Three client types are the root cause of these headaches, and I doubt my experiences are unique.

Recently, a friend whose weight has skyrocketed asked me to help her get fit. She asked me for help as we pulled into the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant where she ordered two cheeseburgers, fries, and a similar meal for her small child riding in a car seat in the back. “Get out of the drive-thru, then,” I said. She simply laughed, and continued to plow into the meal which reeked of grease so thoroughly that I had to roll down my window. This meal would make me sick, because I haven’t eaten fast food in many years and my body now rejects trans-fats as it would poison, which trans-fat most closely resembles. I described what this stuff can do to the body, and how much work it will take simply to defeat its negative effects. Earlier, I had listened to her complain of her husband’s loss of sexual interest, and how she hoped to “keep the fire alive” somehow. She did not, however, see the correlation between her drastic weight gain and her husband’s lack of desire. We made a plan to meet at my gym later in the week.

When gym day arrived, my friend, as usual, was nowhere to be found. She called with a flimsy excuse, as so many had before. “Cancellers” are a group of fatties (yes, fatties) who complain incessantly about their weight yet never lift a finger to get fit. Lifting a French fry doesn’t count. They will use any excuse, including weight-induced pain, to avoid cardio or resistance activity that might improve their fitness. In fact, during the call, this Canceller had to clean up a mess she and her child had made from eating ice cream in the car. Apparently, the call of the drive-thru trumped the call of the gym. Cancellers rarely transition from fat to fit, even though many end up going through brutal divorces, job loss, and health problems as a result of their weight gain. Perhaps most disturbing is that she is training her little girl to adopt harmful eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle.

“Chubbies” are another group of trainees who cause headaches of a different sort. While they do show up for sessions, they rarely work hard enough to make a dent in their physique. I call them Chubbies because while they are packing around far too much fat, their youth tempts them to call it “baby fat.” In fact, Ivory commercials have led them to believe that “normal” means overweight, and the boomerang effect of media campaigns to boost teen girls’ self-esteem has led to increasing acceptance of unhealthy body weight. As long as their curviness is popping buttons in a twenty-something body, they reason, there is no sense of urgency about fitness. The Chubbies are easily distracted by texts, and as long as any member of the opposite sex, regardless of status or attractiveness, is interested, they use this as an excuse to forego fitness. They don’t want to look like a man, they claim, as if lifting a ten-pound weight over their heads to strengthen their back muscles will make them secrete testosterone.

The “Pretenders” as I call them are a group of trainees who believe that their mere presence in the gym should be enough to reduce their girth and shrink their gut. They neglect to follow through with an appropriate eating plan, and are dead weight at the gym. As soon as I turn my back, they stop to rest. External stimuli will not lead to permanent fitness, and while I try to inspire instead of adopting a drill sergeant approach, Pretenders seem to believe that osmosis and proximity to fitness junkies will somehow pay off. They arrive to the session with the attitude that it is my job, not theirs, to do all of the work required for them to fit into skinny jeans. Pretenders toy with weights, but have long ago told themselves that they are not strong enough or coordinated enough to actually pump iron.

So many clients are positive and have enjoyed amazing results that it seems petty to devote blog space to Cancellers, Chubbies, and Pretenders, but I hope that it might open a few eyes and save clients a little money until they are ready to go in with a positive, serious, confident mindset to actually get fit.